Its Easy for an American to Get Girls in Uganda
I nequality and gender have rightfully become subjects of study at many schools and institutions in Uganda. But, despite the years that have passed, we have not really succeeded in creating gender equality here or in most other countries across the globe.
Due to the way we have grown up, many people still hold the old attitudes: women are the ones supposed to cook, wash, take care of the children, and kneel down when greeting others. While women are in the kitchens cooking, men should go and work to provide for the family. Men give the instructions at home because they are seen as the controllers in the relationship. We teach these ideas to our children without even realising it, as they watch and copy the older generation.
During my childhood, I spent most of my time with my mother because my dad had multiple wives. I could see he didn't help my mum in any domestic work and he would blame her if anything went wrong.
Is this the way it should be?
A few years ago, gender roles in Uganda started to shift. Women have begun to go out to work and now they contribute the family finances. However, even though there has been this change at work, women still seem to hold all the domestic roles they had from the past. They are still given instructions by men, they are the ones who cook all the meals, they are supposed to take care of their babies, to wash clothes for the children and their husbands, and do all the housework. The man's work still remains going to work, watching TV, playing football and sleeping. Worst of all, when she gets her salary, the man takes 90% or even 100% control over it in many cases.
If you are a married man, have you ever tried to do all the work that your wife does before she goes to work? Have you tried to sit at home with your children, to know how much work your wife's days are?
When I speak to women and ask them how it is to be a woman, they tell me: "That is what I am, I can't change anything. It is our way. I do what makes my husband happy." This means that not only do they try to do everything just to make us men happy, but they are not happy themselves.
My inequality challenge
I am a social worker and I know that I have a big responsibility. I know that the street children I work with watch me and learn how to act. I know I have to be a role model for them and for the community.
At Salve, we organised an Inequality Question challenge for the children we work with – each month they debate a question they choose. I saw this as my opportunity to learn how it feels to be a woman, having many decisions made for you by someone of the opposite gender.
As I am a single guy and I don't yet have a wife or children, I gave up all of my powers of decision making to six women. They each controlled me for one day.
So what happened?
Every day I was given different instructions from my female controllers. Some of them were easy, such as calling five women who inspire me to tell them why I admire them so much. I chose friends, work colleagues and of course my mother. Other tasks made me feel embarrassed and some even caused friends to laugh and stop talking to me.
On the first day, I was told I should clean all the utensils in my house and leave it clean before I go to work. I had planned to wake up at 5:30am but I slept until 6:00am and had to do everything in a rush. I first mopped the house and then cleaned the plates and the cups. When I finished it was already 7:30am. I had 30 minutes to reach work but had not finished bathing and could not leave home without taking a shower. For the first time this year, I reached work 30 minutes late.
Because of the pressure of having a lot of work to do at home, it's easy for women to reach their workplaces late and be told off by their managers. I wish the bosses could understand what they go through before abusing them.
After hearing that I was late, some of my friends acknowledged how hard it is to be a woman. One of them promised to help his wife with domestic work so that she can also reach work on time. But some of my friends were just rude. They laughed and said if I was becoming a woman, I should stop working altogether. Some people still believe that women should not work. We have really a long way to go when it comes to teaching people about gender and how men and women need the same opportunities.
At my workplace, I was instructed to put on a bright blue wig so that I can look beautiful, exactly how African women are expected to wear wigs or weaves by the community. Of course, everyone's focus was now on me and my wig. The children I work with were all commenting on it, saying I am like a woman, too focused on my looks rather than work. They started calling me aunt instead of uncle. They said I should change my voice to be high pitched and they wouldn't listen to me when I gave them instructions. They started to not respect me. I couldn't focus well on my work. It showed me that the children on the streets hadn't learned a lot of gender respect in their lives so far.
Another day, I was told to greet all of the women by kneeling to them as a sign of respect, in the same way that children and women are expected to kneel to elders here in Uganda. It had been so long since I last had to do this (when I was a young boy). But women have to keep doing it – it is like we are saying a woman doesn't grow up but remains a girl. In doing this, I noticed how much the women themselves appreciated it. They liked me showing them extra respect and trying to put myself in their shoes.
I was also instructed to get oranges and put them on my chest to see how awkward breasts make life. That was a bit hard. I couldn't walk at a fast rate. I am sure my manager didn't like my laziness that day. And the way I was treated was rude. Men called me silly names like "Dem" which they usually call cute girls. You don't know how insulting it can be if you're called funny names just because you're a woman. It is really awkward and makes you feel ashamed.
Women in Africa always sit down on the floor while eating food. And that is one of the instructions that one of my female controllers gave me. I had started getting used to behaving in a way that got attention so this was easy. I was growing harder skin. But still my male workmates thought I was mad. They did not think they could do something like that.
You may not call these serious challenges, but some of my friends changed their attitude about me. When I told them I was doing an inequality challenge, they thought I was stupid. I have a friend who stopped talking to me. I began to ask him questions that challenged his thinking. I asked whether he had ever taken any good ideas from a woman – whether he had any lecturers at university that were women, whether his mother is important in his life. He said yes and eventually accepted that women are also important.
Most of the women really liked the idea. Most of the ladies that asked me about why I was doing this were happy. They saw me as someone who will show other men that it is just physical make up that makes us different, but they can do all of the things that men can do. They liked that we could challenge inequality together.
What should the permanent solution be?
Men need to wake up to the opportunities that equality could bring. Why don't we stand by our sisters, mothers, wives and daughters? That is how we can build a great Uganda. We have female MPs, lawyers, doctors and teachers – we need to show them respect and appreciate their value in our society. I identify as a feminist and I want to inspire every man and woman to join me in this identity.
Try it one day, be treated like a Ugandan woman. I promise you will be surprised and extremely tired. But if you decide to change and to work together, then both of you can be at your best for the day ahead. Give it a try – we need to create a good example for our children to learn from.
Words without action mean nothing. This is my call for action. Let's fight inequality. It is only our action that can take it away.
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Source: https://www.theguardian.com/global-development-professionals-network/2016/aug/22/woman-for-a-week-salve-international-gender-inequality
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